Separation from parents, particularly
during the first few years of life, are common in the borderline biography. On the surface, these separations may appear
insignificant, yet they have profound effects.
For example, the birth of a sibling takes a mother away from
her normal activities for a few weeks, but when she returns, she is no longer
as responsive to the older child- mother has disappeared and has been replaced
by someone who will always be different, one who now has mothering duties with
a younger sibling.
For the healthy child in a healthy
environment, this trauma is easily overcome, but for the borderline in a
borderline setting it may be one of a series of losses and perceived
abandonments. Extended illnesses, frequent
travels, divorce, or the death of a parent also deprive the developing infant
of consistent mothering at crucial times, which may interfere with our
abilities to develop trust and constancy in our unstable and unreliable world.
In my case, my mother and father did
their best to give me the attention I needed, but I had three younger sisters
to divide that attention with. As well,
my father was traveled for his work. He
didn’t travel all the time, but as a child it seemed like dad was gone a lot,
or at least more than I wanted him to be.
There are a handful of birthdays I remember being without my parents
because they were away, and I have always hated my birthdays because of this. When you look at it from a healthy point of
view this is no big deal, but for someone with the tendency toward a Borderline
way of thinking, it can be mistaken for abandonment. It takes a mature person to be able to see beyond
those feelings to the truth.
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