Just like anyone else, when Borderlines are engaged in self
fulfilling activities we are more attractive to others because we are less
pressured to grasp at immediate unrealistic solutions to loneliness. We frequently involve ourselves in predicaments
in which we become a victim, perceiving ourselves as helpless characters upon
whom others act. Don’t misunderstand us-
most of the time we are unaware that our behavior is provocative or dangerous, or
that it may in some way invite persecution.
The person who continually chooses partners who abuse her is typically
unaware of the patterns she is repeating.
Our split view of ourselves includes a special, entitled part and an
angry, unworthy part that masochistically deserves punishment but we are not
fully conscious of this. A pattern of
this type of invited victimization is a solid indication of BPD pathology.
Although being a victim is most unpleasant, it can also be a
very appealing role. A helpless waif buffeted
by the turbulent seas of an unfair world, a haunted artist, a damsel in
distress; these roles are very attractive to some people. A match between the helpless waif and one who
feels a strong need to rescue and take care of others satisfies needs for both
parties.
We find kind partners who promise complete and total
protection while fulfilling their own desire to feel strong, protective, important,
and needed. This is the perfect breeding
ground for co-dependency.
Sometimes Borderlines sabotage
relationships in an effort to test one’s commitment. Our significant others need to understand our
background and recognize that trust can not realistically be established except
over long periods of time. Not everyone
is willing to wait, but the right person will be. ;)
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