"Boredom:
The desire for desires." - Leo Tolstoy
Boredom seems to
swell like a balloon inside my head, a pressure inside my skull. Sometimes I think it might burst and I will
lose all reason. As Borderliners, the
need to fill the empty void inside of us can lead to outbursts of anger, self
damaging impulsiveness (especially drug abuse), and mood swings designed to
elicit sensations of feeling. The walls
of an empty room are mirrors that double and redouble our sense of self. We may become transiently psychotic when we
are by ourselves with nothing to do. Mostly
these are simply feelings of unreality and dissociation. Because my mind is more active in certain
areas than a normal brain, boredom is my worst enemy and greatest fear. I feel a constant need to be stimulated mentally,
and this has been true since I was an infant.
The trick is learning how to engage your mind in a healthy way.
Yes. I so get this. It took skill and work to learn to thrive with the wheel of differing alters who live in me. I am rarely idle. I am either writing, reading, painting, something. I get bored with people easily too. If they aren't deep, my mind wanders. So I tend to go into active awareness and listening mindfulness in those times.
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