Mental Health/Healing for the Male

This subject has been on my heart for many years, but I have not had the opportunity to speak about it.  I briefly touched on the matter in my podcast with Mike Douglas on Mike’s Open Journal (the link can be found in this blog) but last night I was able to hear from another Mike (@menhealuk).  He is an advocate for MENtal HEALth (his creativity, not mine) and writes under the Twitter name Men Heal.  Here is what he says about men’s mental health:

Some guys just don't reach out. It is frustrating to me because I once spent two years of my life studying how to get men to engage (based on my own observations, other people's input who work in the field, and research). I came to the conclusion that society is so good at brainwashing men to be 'tough' or to go it alone when healing, that some of them can't leave this cult-like belief system. I realised that we need to change how society (and indeed the whole world) sees masculinity. To me it shows strength to share a problem and to ask for help when we need it... whether that's help with a practical problem in our lives, or a mental health / personal issue. That is why I set up the Twitter account... i.e. to encourage men to reach out, and to encourage others to tell men it's ok to reach out. There seems to be a lot of people on the same mission, so that's great.

How to Deal with People Who Have Borderline Personality Disorder.

Never fight fire with fire.  When things get too heated, further discussion can come later when the atmosphere is more settled.  When I am hitting a low, I’ll let you know, and I will try to function as well as I can.  If you just met me, I will maintain a low profile.  I may seem shy but I’m not.  This is the Bipolar disorder talking as well.  I will act out impulsively, destructively, and this will frustrate you.  These impulsive acts will arise from a sea of stability and take you off guard.  When there is no crisis, I initiate one.  Some of the angry ones might come out, but then Shame and Guilt will take their place.  There will be no warning.  If I speak harshly to you, or if on the off chance I lash out, it is because you are important to me.  Some Borderlines threaten violence, but I’d rather retreat to my room.  Many Borderlines are attracted to people who physically overpowering.  We want to get it over with.  We provoke our loved ones so that the abandonment doesn’t drag on.  We initiate. 

Borderlines and Romantic Relationships

Just like anyone else, when Borderlines are engaged in self fulfilling activities we are more attractive to others because we are less pressured to grasp at immediate unrealistic solutions to loneliness.  We frequently involve ourselves in predicaments in which we become a victim, perceiving ourselves as helpless characters upon whom others act.  Don’t misunderstand us- most of the time we are unaware that our behavior is provocative or dangerous, or that it may in some way invite persecution.  The person who continually chooses partners who abuse her is typically unaware of the patterns she is repeating.  Our split view of ourselves includes a special, entitled part and an angry, unworthy part that masochistically deserves punishment but we are not fully conscious of this.  A pattern of this type of invited victimization is a solid indication of BPD pathology.

Although being a victim is most unpleasant, it can also be a very appealing role.  A helpless waif buffeted by the turbulent seas of an unfair world, a haunted artist, a damsel in distress; these roles are very attractive to some people.  A match between the helpless waif and one who feels a strong need to rescue and take care of others satisfies needs for both parties. 

We find kind partners who promise complete and total protection while fulfilling their own desire to feel strong, protective, important, and needed.  This is the perfect breeding ground for co-dependency. 

Sometimes Borderlines sabotage relationships in an effort to test one’s commitment.  Our significant others need to understand our background and recognize that trust can not realistically be established except over long periods of time.  Not everyone is willing to wait, but the right person will be. ;)